2010

Who knew that we'd start this year with snow? It seems fitting for a new decade to start so pristinely white. But of course it's chaos and dirty ice so soon and the novelty is fading fast. And it's damn cold for the UK in January.

Funny to think that I saw the millenium in Sydney's summer and how much has happened since then.

In those days I was living in Sydney and had been working in the internet/advertising/business consultancy world. I had been very happy in the small consultancy I was in but we'd been bought out by a large advertising agency and it got horribly political with some nasty people pushing me out. I was freelancing and when at a wedding in the UK heard about another job, applied and after some weird interviews (phone and flying back for a weekend) came back to London as Managing Editor for an internet portal.

Loved the job - had some "interesting" experiences when my bosses decided to allow porn on it!

The 9/11 happened and the owners used that as an excuse to make us all redundant. Since then I retrained, became a manager of an online mail order company, got made redundant, and a day later got another, similar job.

While all that was going on I made new friends and Matt, bought a house, got married and adopted Blue and Berry. And then, of course my cancer diagnosis and the start of this blog.

This decade sees me start my next round of pilates training. My boss is pregnant so I will be taking on a lot more when she goes on maternity leave. And we are moving ahead with the adoption process and start prep workshops next month.

My goals are pretty short term on the whole - to get through all of that in one piece. We hope to go to Aus to see Col in early 2011 and hopefully be approved for adoption by then. Those outcomes will effect the rest of the decade hugely. It's all positive and I am looking forward to the next decade with Matt.

We've overcome so much together and while I know we've many more challenges ahead, I think we get through it all!

As an as aside I was very pleased that MacMillian has highlighted the issues that we face post cancer and the lack of support that we get. Oncologists do a great job in saving lives but without much thought to what happens afterwards and while I am so grateful to the job they do I do wish that there was more support for radiotherapy damage. I don't think that things will ever be the same.

Z x

Meme

So my friend who is known as Rosamundi in the blogging world has nominated me as a gorgeous person. Which is very flattering. This means that I am to list six things relating to myself that are generally unknown, and mention six blogs or bloggers I consider gorgeous.

First things first:
1. I hate melon. It's an odd thing to hate but I don't like the smell and that effects the taste. Makes me feel sick.
2. I have lost 2 stone. It's a slow slow process but worth it.
3. I can't digest fibre anymore. Radiotherapy damage means that I have to really be careful what I eat otherwise I can be unwell for days. Usually it's things like beans and pulses or whole meal bread, but can be seeds and nuts and other random foods. The last weekend was bad and I have NO clue what it was that triggered it. So I've had to ditch the diet, eat bland stodgy food and I'm feeling better today.
4. I love trashy TV - like things like Next Top Model, Strictly (ok most people know about that one), Dancing with the Stars and so on. But I hate Big Brother. (Gino to win I'm a Celeb. We luuuuuuurve him!)
5. I lived in Brazil as a child and it deeply effected the way I think about life - everything from poverty to politics. If we adopt I'd really like to do that with our children - take them to experience life in a country where there even greater differences than here. I appreciate life in the UK a lot more having seen such poverty first hand. And yet in countries like Brazil and India there is such vibrancy and life and warmth from the people. It's very humbling.
6. I read really quickly. So when I go on holiday for two weeks I have to take at least 3 books and make sure that there are back ups.

Ok so for gorgeous blogs: Well there's Miranda in the US, the beautiful Jess in the Jungle who is someone I met through Jo's and is very special. Tracey who never fails to make me laugh. Bluesoup who thinks too much. And actually that's all. I can't be arsed to think of two more at the moment. Because actually these 4 are all people who I have a lot of time for but don't see often for whatever reason.

Z
PS got a new client today. Am thrilled.

Slow cooker pot roast

I've never been a fan of pot roast until now – this is incredibly easy and delicious.

Brisket in beer with horseradish dumplings - slow cooker

For the Brisket

• 1 kg brisket off the bone
• 2 celery stalks – chopped
• 2/3 carrots – chopped
• 100g mushrooms (quartered)
• 1 tbs tomato puree
• 1 tbs flour
• 1 can ale or bitter
• Slug of Worcester sauce

For the dumplings:

• 150g self raising flour
• 150 grams suet (I use veggie)
• 4 tsp grated horseradish – you can use fresh or creamed
• water

Cooking time: 8 hours minimum

Place veggies, flour, tomato puree into the slow cooker. Pour over the beer and add the Worcester sauce, Stir well. Place brisket on top, so it's partially covered by the liquid. Cook on High for at least 6 hours. Taste and season if necessary.

Then make the dumplings by mixing all the ingredients with some water to make a dough and form into dumplings. Place around the beef and cook for another 2 hours.

Remove dumplings carefully, then take out the beef and slice (will fall apart). Serve with mashed potato and the veggies spooned over and a glass of red wine!

Medical and other things

So I had my medical last week. Strange seeing the doc bring out my notes from when I was a baby onwards. She seems to be happy with my health and has said that she thinks I'm fit to raise a child. Hurrah.

Was a long long form to fill in though - and like most forms had lots of space for totally irrelevant things and very little for the important stuff. You had to say things like if you've ever smoked and taken drugs. One of those things that is odd, because yes I've done both but not very much and are you honest and say yes even though it was a case of a couple of fags when I was a teenager and the occasional spliff in my 20s, or do you just lie by ommission. I opted for the former and was honest, I don't like lying and don't want it to bite me on the bum.

Or will it stand against me? I don't know. It's all very confusing. But I think honesty is the best policy, no one's perfect.

In other news had a lovely journalist come to talk to me about blogging today.

Z

Winter is coming

I know this because I am sat with the TV on and there's football on. It's a boring game. There's moggie mayhem going on somewhere in the house judging by the sound of bells jingling and the occasional thump and then small, yet heavy footsteps charging about.

It was a frustrating day at work - went in at 7.30am to discover that my client was sick and had cancelled and then my free induction did not turn up. But will be a better day tomorrow - quite busy with a mixture of classes and 1-1s. And then hopefully some people will turn up for an induction that I'm running in the evening - might mean that we get some more clients at the Kew studio.

Trying not to feel too over whelmed with my schedule next week - I think it will be ok, but hectic.

Spent what seemed like a life time (but really only a couple of hours) queuing to get a visa for India only to be told that I have to go back another day to pick it up. Frustrating but par for the course really. Was able to go home and watching Dancing with the Stars with Berry and the ironing. Given that the ironing pile was starting to resemble Everest (due to the case of the missing cleaner*), this was no bad thing.

Diwali party at Corky's on the weekend. A last minute thing (Matt whinged that we'll be having a busy weekend again) but it will be fun. Fireworks, food and friends - all to get us in the mood for India. Fab!

Medical for the adoption on Friday... eek.

Z x

* our cleaner, Ania, is very sweet, very young and Polish. She does a good job with huge enthusiasm (some times a bit too thorough like when we got back from holiday and she'd put almost everything through the washing machine; if the cats had been around they would have been cleaned too). Any way she went to Poland to start planning her wedding (date for 2012) for two weeks. Four weeks later and no sign or reply to texts. I finally got through to her sister as I was getting worried (Matt was worried that she had our keys and alarm code, I was worried for her safety).  Anyway, she's finally back and ok. It's good as it will be hard to keep on top of things next week. Though we've survived remarkably well.

4 years ago...

I was diagnosed with cancer and I was talking to some people yesterday and one of them said to me that I've come so far. I am pretty proud of that.

I was reminded today that I haven't blogged in a while. It's been a hectic year as I'm working at Boomerang Pilates a lot - has been mad but a lot of fun. It's now two studios and I'm starting to work more at the Kew one as it's so much easier to get to.

We have started the adoption process. It's taken a while to get to the stage where things are moving forward. It's been a frustrating process just starting. BUT we've found a council who we feel comfortable with, who don't talk down to us or refuse because they are not taking white adopters, and who we feel comfortable about coming into our home and being intrusive. I do feel that there's something not quite right about the situation where there are councils saying that they are desperate for adopters, yet put people off from the word go. A little humility and kindness would go a long way I think.

So we had our home visit and the SW was terrific. We both have to have early medicals - arranged for the next couple of weeks - mine because of the cancer and Matt's because he's Type 1 Diabetic. And hopefully if that's all ok then we'll go on the preparation workshops next year.

Work's getting manic, my boss is away next week and I am covering her work - her schedule is crazy! Still will be good to earn some extra cash before we head to India in November.

In other news we have started karate and had our first grading yesterday - us and the little kids. It felt like an amazing achievement though. Will post some pics soon.

Z

It's Christmas - where did the year go?

This year went so fast and so much happened that Matt and I barely had time to draw breath.

He DID finish the marathon - and thanks you all for your love and support. He was supposed write a note here but never got around to it. Needless to say I was incredibly proud and it was a funny moment when, just before the finish line I squeezed my way to the front of the crowd where two nice, burly blokes let me stand and shout "I LOVE YOU MATT!!" as he passed - and they both joined in shouting "WE LOVE YOU MATT" as well.

After that we concentrated on getting back to normal (huh!) and I worked hard for my exam - a series of events leading up to it (including a trip tp A&E) meant that I was very nervous and stressed and although I passed my teaching component, I failed the theory. The good news is that I retook it a few weeks ago and I'm now a Stott certified Mat and Reformer instructor.

We had a quick holiday in Barcelona which was wonderful but too short and then home to the maddess of planning a wedding at short notice. Not ours of course but Jayne and Joss finally tied the knot after 15 years - it was a wonderful time and lots of fun and love and laughter marked the celebration. (Some pics below).

Alas after the joy of that day we had just about recovered when my grandmother in Aus passed away so I had to make an emergency dash to go to the funeral - she had been sick for a long time and was quite old so in someways it was the best thing and it was a bittersweet time seeing the family.

We're so far managing to deal with the credit crunch, though you can never be too sure what around the corner - I've started working in a new pilates studio so we're trying our hardest to get new clients and while it's quiet around now due to Christmas we've pleasantly surprised - and with this experience behind me I may be able to get work in other places too.

So our Christmas this year will be spent with my Australian family in WA - it will be a new experience for Matt to have an Aussie Chrissie but we're looking forward to seeing everyone in happier times and getting some sun.

We're hoping that everyone has a happy 2009 - there's been some highs and lows that I've not been able to mention because they are not our stories although we've been involved in someway. So less of the extremes this time and let's see a new optimistic, but a bit more grounded New Year.

Merry Christmas one and all

Zoë xoxoxoxo

26.2

This year is going quicker than Dwain Chambers on performance enhancing drugs. It's hard to believe that in two weeks my darling husband is going to run the marathon. He's been working so hard to get there and has been dealing with multiple injuries and aches and pains - but thanks to a decent support team (me and the cats, and family and a physio and personal trainer) and a lot of determination he's getting there. And I think will finish it - even if he takes all day.

A work colleague lent him the DVD of "Run Fat Boy Run" which was a bit mean but it did make us laugh and for Matt to realise that it's not about doing it in 4 hours but about achieving something incredible.

Please support him - he's doing it to raise money for the Marsden, but most importantly it's going to be an incredible achievement.

Z xx

The world keeps turning

I was reading Hystersisters the other day and felt very sad about a story of a 22 year old women who has to have surgery for her cancer and she found it hard to tell her parents. Not for the usual reasons but because they are deeply religious and her father does not believe in medical treatment. She has decided to go ahead, knowing it's the right thing for her but also knowing that he may disown her. I can't imagine how she must feel - cancer is isolating enough without being rejected by the people you need the most.

I've been feeling a bit bleurgh this week - not sure why. Perhaps it's something to do with my results - it's all good but I sometimes feel that it's never over. Perhaps it's because I've been reading more stories about more women who are dealing with cancer and all the crap it brings.

I'm disappointed in some of the people on Jo's - not the people I know and trust, but once again there's been bitchiness. Not so much public but it makes me feel sad that people can be so cruel. It's odd how things like that immediately transport you back to school and that feeling of realising that people can be really really nasty.

And of course as much as you want to change the world you realise that you can't change people - they can only change themselves and their own behaviour and they have to acknowledge that first.

Funny too how just typing this has made me feel better - to get it out of my head!!

Z x

Hospital results - good news

Have just got back from the hospital and the news is pretty good – my sehcat scan (the bile absorbency one) was the most normal they’d ever seen, bloods were fine. The polyp they removed was NOT cancerous (phew). I have got low level radiation damage which is the cause of my digestion issues – the not so good news is that I’ll have to watch my fibre intake forever, but can experiment a bit. Am thinking that I’m going to be conservative for a while and perhaps slowly add more fruit and veg, but not risk the pulses and wholegrains in the short/medium term. A bit relief though.

We love Dr Andreyev – you gotta love someone who you can talk to about poo without any hints of that mad Scottish bint called Gillian Mackeith, who really is full of ****.

Z xxx

Marathons, the Marsden and Me

Matt reminded me how long it was since I've written - my mind has been on other things over the last few months which is probably a good thing. Christmas was a blur of cooking and present buying and wrapping and socialising just like it was for everyone else on the planet (who celebrates at that time of year).

I was glad it was over - although I love Christmas I found it particulary exhausting this time around. Still I loved hosting our first proper party in our house and will hopefully make it an annual event. We finished decorating the study which caused chaos but it's well worth it and is a room that is not only organised but a wonderful environment to work, create and study in.

The new year has brought fresh challenges and fresh energy for both me and Matt. He's started his marathon training in earnest (he's raising money for the Marsden which is the best hospital in the world and in need of support since the massive fire that's closed the ward I was in). I'm so proud of him!! We will be prodding people for sponsorship so be warned!! We were also relieved that Matt's company chose to renew his contract for another year - after a scary December when they announced and implemented cut backs.

I'm working really hard on the pilates and getting fitter and am looking forward to possibly having some work as an apprentice in April, as well as getting teaching practise in by teaching Matt and Jayne. I'm pondering whether to delay my exam until I have some more experience under my belt (it won't effect the job and in fact will be benefitted by the work so it's not a cop out!!). I'm really loving it but need to get my confidence up a bit.

But all this hard work means that we're a little anti social as we've both both to be slightly single minded and supportive of each other's efforts! It's lots of early starts and less alcohol!

I'm also trying to get my head around my new diet which is low fibre and of course opposite to anything I'm used to. I'm undergoing lots of tests because I have some issues with my guts which have arisen since radiotherapy. I have a lovely GI consultant who is being very helpful and a dietician who's helping me find the right balance. Things may change when all the tests are in but so far the difference is huge and I'm feeling better - and losing weight. I still have to be wary of the fatigue which can hit me like a train - but I'm working out how to balance being energetic and not overdoing it and am allowing my self rest days.

Finally more good news - my three monthly checkups have been upgraded to 6 months and I'm nearly at the 2 year cancer free mark. It's a fantastic feeling!!

Much love

Z xxxx

Good news!

MRI results were clear which is a big relief. The Marsden are also checking me out for a couple of non cancer related issues (possibly a legacy from treatment). Nothing serious but it's good that they took them seriously - stiffness in my hand joints which is uncomfortable at best and painful at worst and some tummy issues which are probably caused by the radiotherapy.

Z x

Spring forward, fall back

As Autumn shines golden the clocks have gone back and the days are shorter. After the summer of lost hope, there is a sense of relief as the nights draw in. At least we know what we are getting and we can prepare accordingly.

The last few months have been challenging in many ways. My Pilates instructors course has been hard physically and mentally but I'm now ready to start teaching and getting my hours up. I'm hoping to start working and to then take my exam in March. I'm now a business - called Live & Breathe Pilates and will have a web address of www.breathepilates.co.uk but that will take time to come into fruition. The name comes from the fact that the breath is an important principle of pilates, and also that throughout my life people have been telling me to breathe. It reminds me of who I am and how far I've come.

The most challenging thing has been the loss of a couple of dear friends who I met through Jo's Trust and some other inspirational women. It's been incredibly hard to deal with and has resulted in some duvet days and an increase in drug taking (legal ones!!). One was Kayla, who I've mentioned on this blog before. She had had a terribly hard fight and in many ways it was a relief to see her suffering end. But we went to her funeral and it was the hardest thing to do - to see a family left distraught and empty. Another was Marion who had the biggest heart. We had all met up for dinner just after Kayla (and others) died and we celebrated her life and shared tears and laughter. We didn't know then that she had another tumor herself.

At the same time as all of that (and just as my second pilates course finished) we discovered that the CC vaccine has been approved by the government, which means that from next year girls aged 12-18 will get it through the NHS. This is cause for huge celebration and is a wonderful legacy for all to leave behind. The media circus started again and I, and others, were called on to talk to TV, radio and so on. Last week a few of us represented the women from Jo's at a gala dinner to Celebrate Life. It was a wonderful night - highlighted by me getting a kiss from Kenny Logan (Gabby was hosting and Matt and I had a lovely chat with her).

At home we've started to decorate the study. The first real DIY since we moved in and it feels great to be making our home ours. I've been making lots of chutneys and pickles and jam to give as Christmas pressies which has been relaxing and rewarding. The pre-Christmas social whirl has already started which puts the pressure on to get lots of jobs done before december. And of course I'm trying to find PAID work at the moment, though I do have opportunities coming up in the New Year. Fingers crossed.

This afternoon I'm off the Marsden to get the results of my MRI which is just a checkup but still makes me feel nervous and skittish - it's two years since the cancer wagon started moving.

I'll finish with some pictures from our ballooning trip - my birthday present. We were lucky to be able to do it as the weather was so bad, and had one of the most beautiful evenings of the summer.

Overdue

I've realised that an update here is well over due and I have no excuse apart from excessive busyness.

Our trip to the US was fantastic and I will post some pictures soon. It was lovely to travel to DC to see Ann and Jon and family and to catch up on news and compare notes on treatment etc. It was great fun and truly family time and much needed.

We then headed to Utah which in all honestly we were a little apprehensive about - let's face it it's not a typical tourist destination. I knew that we would be welcomed with open arms and we were. Seeing Jen and Bob so radiantly happy was a wonderful thing - and to catch up with my wise woman Sissy was incredibly special - made better only by the addition of the gorgeous Annabella who at 2 was using her feminine wiles to steal my husband. Believe me, I could have taken her plump cuteness home with us. And then there was Susan who we spent a lot of time with and forged a new friendship with.

Utah in itself was really terrific - beautiful mountains and hot dry heat - we'd definately go back in a heartbeat. Enjoyed lots of fabulous food and good beer and wine (yes you CAN drink there!!). Didn't see the lake or much of SLC which was probably a good thing and were not converted to being mormons. Just met a lot of friendly, kind and very hard working people and explored and went white water rafting (SO MUCH FUN).

To New York which after the peace of Utah was a bit of a culture shock, but still it was NYC and felt like being on a movie set. I proved to Matt that after a diet of old movies and Sex in the City epsisodes that I could catch a yellow cab prettydamnwellthankyouverymuch. It just took patience, observation and a little bit of assertiveness - coupled with the female advantage. Again some AMAZING food, an incredible storm, shopping, walks through central park, exploring different districts, shopping, the Empire State Building, a boat trip around the island and catching up with Alan and visiting New England (and seeing Johnny Depp's house) made for a good rounded visit.

Our feet had hardly touched English soil when my course started - and the first weekend was made interesting by most of Central England being under water - including Oxfordshire. It added to the adventure I guess!

Having just finished the second weekend I can safely say I LOVE doing this. Pilates is helping my body, but I can also see where I can use it to help others like me. It really is something I feel passionate about. The course is physically demanding, but I'm coping better than I expected. I just need to get over my nerves of actually teaching!! Am really really enjoying it though! Can't you tell?

Just after the first weekend, Col arrived for about 10 days - it was great to see him and we had a few adventures - with me driving our new car. His book is out now which is very exciting - especially as it's now available on Amazon. It's called Understanding Genes and GMOs - and is written in layman's terms for the non sciency person to understand!

The garden is doing pretty well - though everything is well watered it could do with more sun to ripen the tomatoes. The other downside to the rain is the plague of the most enormous slugs. Urgh.

Despite the horrible weather we were blessed with a wonderful weekend and I was able to take my balloon trip to celebrate my 40th. I can't say much more than it was one of the loveliest things I've ever done. I felt safe and secure and was never once nervous of being up high. It's like a form of meditation - just drifting along watching clouds and seeing the land across Oxfordshire from a new perspective. I'd definately do it again!

This weekend we're off to Yorkshire to see the out-laws and swing in trees should be great fun! This year really is the year for trying new things and adventures.

And then it's our second wedding anniversary - this year has whizzed by after the stress of the first year. Lots has changed and lots hasn't. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I guess that's true - our relationship grows and grows and we're having fun again and you can't get better than that.

Z xxx

Birthday Pictures

Literary Lunch

We had a lovely birthday lunch at the Beetle and Wedge at Moulsford, which is a gorgeous restaurant on the Thames. Wind in the Willows which is based on that part of the river - and apparently Jerome K Jerome wrote his book at the Beetle and Wedge. The sun shone enough for us to have champagne and canapes outside watching the ducks and swans drift by. And then fabulous food inside by a window that looked over the river and we watched the clouds roll in and the thunder come.

Eleanor's birthday present to me was to have the table decorated in HUGE helium balloons which was fab. Will upload some pictures at some point soon.

In the meantime, this is a poem from Wind in the Willows:

`DUCKS' DITTY.'
All along the backwater,
Through the rushes tall,
Ducks are a-dabbling,
Up tails all!

Ducks' tails, drakes' tails,
Yellow feet a-quiver,
Yellow bills all out of sight
Busy in the river!

Slushy green undergrowth
Where the roach swim--
Here we keep our larder,
Cool and full and dim.

Everyone for what he likes!
WE like to be
Heads down, tails up,
Dabbling free!

High in the blue above
Swifts whirl and call--
WE are down a-dabbling
Up tails all!

Fantastic news!

As most of you know I'm involved with Jo's Trust which is active in campaigning for the cervical cancer vaccine. Yesterday we heard that the JCVI has made a recommendation on the HPV vaccination! We still have a way to go, but this is a huge step, espeically with some of the nasty stuff that has been published about cervical cancer and HPV. Yesterday was a strangely emotional day. Democracy wins the day. My faith in the political process is a little restored, especially as I also got a supportive letter from our local MP, Edward Davey!

On a personal level other news is that I've lost 7 lbs so am really happy about that too! That's even with birthday celebrations :)

Z x

Fabulousness

I've taken a break from tackling the world's largest pile of ironing to write this.

I'm now 40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So far so good apart from the sore foot I got when I feel over in the wee small hours of the morning after getting home from the mass family birthday dinner. It was a good night and I spent the rest of my birthday recovering. I've been really psoilt - lots of lovely pressies and the celebrations are continuing with the birthday lunch on saturday. I'm going to milk this landmark and enjoy it as much as I can. What I will say is that when I first was diagnosed I wondered if I'd make it to 40 and now I'm here, everything is so precious.

The other excitement is that I was filmed last week for another news item which will come up in the future and that was a lot of fun. They filmed here and interviewed me. Jayne came along too and they filmed us handing tomato plants to each other for about an hour. It was hilarious. The builders next door (who had asked to be quiet) were most intrigued. I think they think I'm Kingston's answer to Charlie Dimmock (except I wear a bra).

The last couple of days have been spent studying anatomy which has been exhausting but actually really interesting. I just hope I can remember it all. It's going to really help the pilates.

Z x

Worm watch and other tails

It's been a weird couple of weeks. I went to see the wonderful Nichola (my nurse specialist) to go through my notes. There were a few things I wanted clarified and I wanted o speak to her about the endometriosis, which kind of got glossed over during the cancer treatment and fertility questions and stuff. And then after that it was irrelevant.

It was so worth seeing her and I'd recommend it for other cancer patients down the line - it's easy to not take everything in. And although most of it doesn't matter it does help to know these things. However I found the bit about the endo very upsetting and have been feeling very sensitive about it since. I know that NOW it doesn't matter, but to find out that after over 20 years of complaining about periods that not only did I have endo, but it was stage IV (the worst stage) is a little hard. Apparently the surgeons were relieved because I was a candiate for the trachelectomy because I would have had a "higher risk of morbidity" had they done the hyst, as well as bowel damage and so on.

I suppose the irony of everything is that it's likely that I already would have been infertile. I know it's easy to say after the fact, but it would have been nice to know. I know I shouldn't dwell on the past but...

The other thing that happened is that one of the girls from Jo's Trust died last week. She was about 27/28 and it was a shock to us all. And Louise's mother died on Sunday - very sad that she didn't make it to see the baby, but I know she just couldn't fight any more. It all puts my pity party into perspective a bit.

A very very sad week for all.

On a cheerier note I recieved my first birthday present today - it's one I'm allowed to open as it's a wormery for composting scraps and contains live worms that need looking after, so I've been having fun putting it together. I've been so excited about it - thanks Lyn and Derek - as it's really the only thing I wanted (sad aren't I!)

Z xx

Wish List

Deborah asked me what I want for my birthday and in truth I'm not sure, but I have got a wishlist so if anyone's interested... it's now in the links bit

Z x