tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175839512024-03-08T02:06:10.826+00:00A continuing journeyThere IS life after cancerZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.comBlogger114125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-36566240608333660722011-07-07T22:25:00.000+01:002011-07-07T22:25:21.831+01:00Sunshine and rainThe last couple of weeks have been hard at times, hence the title of this post. Not only have we had such contrasts in weather daily life has seemed to be just as extreme at times. My friend finally passed away and I found that having cold after cold affected my immune system resulting in feeling very low and sick. Antibiotics helped fight those nasty germs and suddenly I felt more able to cope, as we were able to spend some time in the summer sunshine after a lot of rainy days. <br />
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The funeral was very hard - it helped that there was a great group of the girls and chaps from Jo's and we gathered at mine for lunch before walking over - it was strange to be with these people that I care about and chatting away, dressed in bright colours to suddenly be at a crematorium and looking at a coffin. It was just as she would have wanted it - lots of music and friends, but so incredibly sad. I'd spoken to her about this eventuality, but there's a massive space in this world without her pragmatic way and wicked sense of humour and I am going to miss our coffees and nights out.<br />
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We also finally had a visit from the health visitor which was very helpful - it was good to talk to someone who is experienced with the children similar to Poppet, who is not a social worker! And it was about me and looking after myself so it really helped. Also as she is not a SW we did not have the same issues with Poppet's behaviour that we normally have after visits. We've had some behavioural issues that have been a bit worrying and they seem to have got worse since the last LAC review, and aimed at me mainly. It seems that the more we bond, which is really happening at the moment, the more she lashes out at me. Probably because I'm her mum and she is angry at "mum" - or at least at something that has happened in her short life. <br />
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The health visitor saw it happen and is going to come back in a month and if it is still happening she will get us some help. Which is great news. Honestly I think it will probably work itself out, but it's good to feel supported and that we can get it sorted.<br />
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And after that downer - well everything is actually feeling good and sunny (despite a lot more rain)! We've had our first trip up to Yorkshire and the in-laws which was lovely - a weekend of not having to cook, a very spoiled Poppet and time for some us-time thanks to Nana babysitting.<br />
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And she loved it - ate LOADS, saw her first steam train, had her first pub lunch, and behaved beautifully (well, mainly!). <br />
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And I have made some decisions - our routine has changed so she eats later and we eat earlier most nights so we can have dinner together and she has her bath in the evening. It means that we have a bit more time when she goes to bed and I cook one meal rather than two. There still needs to be some adjustment to make it work better, but it's more relaxing. And it's great us eating as a family. It might not happen every night but I want it to be more often than not.<br />
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I am also planning to go back to work. Just an evening and hopefully Saturday mornings, but I think that it's workable and I'm looking forward to it. <br />
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And all things considered, she is doing so well - she seems to be growing everyday and has gone from a size 4 shoe to a 5 1/2 in the time she's been with us. And her language is going from strength to strength - she is so desperate to talk. New words spill out everyday and she has little things that she says that sometimes it takes time to work out. Funny little things like saying "haies" which means hands and holding out her hand to me. This afternoon she was leading me around the house. And funny little things she does like nappy checking her toys (involving copious amounts of wipes every where). And announcing she's done a poo, and we check and she hasn't. And working out how to remove her nappy - 4 times in one night and resulting in a wee covered bed. And meowing loudly when we say the word tail (in Meg and Mog, Meg steps on Mog's tail and he meows) or when she eats blueberries (our cats are Blue and Berry).<br />
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And it's those things, and the millions more that make it worthwhile -even though mummy does get very cross with her unpacking drawers for the millionth time, seeing her cheeky grin and the way she hugs my legs when I head towards the living room and knowing that mayhem ensues means I can't be cross for long because she is exploring the world and wanting to learn and for the most part being a very typical toddler. <br />
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And we are all smitten (well the cats are still pissed off but Blue is happily purring on my lap so it's not all bad for them).<br />
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Z xZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-38269831568985810172011-06-15T15:50:00.000+01:002011-06-15T15:50:30.225+01:0010 weeks and it feels like it has always been soPoppet has been with us for exactly 10 weeks and in that time we've had 4 molars, 2 colds (us included), some tears and lots of laughter.<br />
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It has been an adjustment - it was 0-500 mph instantly and of course we have had challenges. The hardest thing is not knowing certain things about her background so there have been some question marks and worries. A few of those got answered or confirmed at yesterday's LAC meeting and suddenly things start to make sense. I'm pleased that our instincts were right, and that what we suspected was not normal toddler behaviour, is indeed probably the product of her early experiences. <br />
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There are also times when she needs a lot of reassurance and she is very unsettled - especially after meetings and contact visits, but we'll have less soon and she will hopefully realise that she is staying with us and won't be moving again.<br />
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That said, there's nothing we can't handle as it's not major stuff, but we do need to try and work through these things to knock them on the head. But the fact is she is thriving - she's grown, has much more hair, is healthy and is a hurricane of energy and mischief and is bright and inquisitive. She looks like our child, and feels like it too.<br />
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Her words are ever increasing and she's growing in confidence - quite able to boss Mummy (and Daddy) about.<br />
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And how are we doing? - well parenting is not brain surgery, it's a lot of common sense and patience but is well worth the rewards. There are times when it's not been easy - and I'm not going to pretend otherwise, but we are a team and are working it out. Currently it's full on because we can't use childcare or sitters so there's a lot of compromise to ensure we both get some space and breathing time.<br />
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But she's brilliant and we love her to bits and there's nothing better than hearing your child laugh or watch her explore and discover things or watch her sleeping. Or laughing at her way of saying things or singing "Wo Wo Wo" at the top of her voice. <br />
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And the cats? Well they are realising that she's not going anywhere and are adjusting too. Still a bit miffed, but cats do miffed so well and milk it a little bit.<br />
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Hopefully will be able to update this more regularly, but for now I need to go as she's woken up.<br />
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Z xZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-76940655655506916782011-04-12T15:30:00.003+01:002011-04-12T21:43:41.370+01:00Adoption - an altruistic act? This is not about charity.<i>Edited to add, as this post seems to have stirred some controversy that this is not aimed at my friends and family who have given so much love and encouragement - this is about well meaning strangers who have managed to day the wrong thing at the wrong time. Also this blog is about me and my little family and the ups and downs of our adoption story. There will be good and bad times and I will write about both. And if you do take it personally, please read this post twice, because honestly it's about Poppet and not you! :o)</i><br />
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Let's get this straight. We did not decide on adoption because we want to be admired or need self validation. We chose adoption because we want a family and it was a choice we made because we couldn't do it any other way. I find it really patronising when people tell me what an amazing thing we're doing because we are doing it for our family. Not because we want to HELP someone as an act of charity. We want our child/ren to reach their potential just like any other parents, we want Poppet to grow up enjoying life and to be able to explore the world with options for her future. <br />
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At the same time I also get frustrated with people, albeit well meaning, telling us that certain things are normal. Fact is there are some behaviours that are totally normal and age appropriate and certain things that are not. It does not help to tell me that when she hits the terrible twos it will get worse - it probably will do. Not because we've hit the terrible twos but because the honeymoon period ends. Ironically that will be during the terrible twos, so it will be age appropriate, but the fact is ALL adoptive children have this time. Many of them are stuck at the age they were removed and many regress to babyhood even when they are 8!<br />
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We have a child that has gone through so much in such a short time. She's lived in several different places, has had multiple carers and it is obvious that BM did not give her much attention when they were together - she hates me being on the phone or sending a text or Matt being on the computer when in the same room as us. She tantrums if I go out of the room, or don't pick her up, but completely ignores and avoids me when in a room full of people, preferring to go to anyone else. But this is what we expected because we've been through the workshops and read books and articles and so although it's hard we know that with hard work we can all get through it. But many adoptions fail and so we are mindful that we do need to work hard at this - and try and do the best for her, encourage and nurture her but without pushing her.<br />
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This is useful in explaining a little about how it is <a href="http://www.adoptionuk.org/information/103254/thewall/">different with adopted children</a> and this is a very helpful article (abridged) <a href="http://www.adoptionuk.org/information/249330/dealing_with_rejection/">about how children reject affection</a><br />
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Things that I am doing to encourage attachment at the moment are using baby lotion and rubbing it into her skin after her bath; dancing with her on my hip and when she will let me holding her close and rocking her. This is also so new to the three of us - she has to do a lot more adjustment than us. Although our world is changed, she has to cope with new carers, new family, a new environment and her little mind has to adapt to all of it.<br />
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I don't want to be a neurotic mum - I'm happy for her to climb and play in the garden and explore, but at the same time I also have to manage her needs and I am learning to do that. She needs to learn that Matt and I are permanent fixture and that she is not going to be moved again and that it is us that will look after her and not other random people.<br />
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So this is the path we've taken and it's exciting and scary. And while things can go wrong with any child, we know that adopted children need a little extra to beat the odds. But we're in it for the long haul - we're a family and don't expect plaudits, just support and love and understanding.<br />
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ZZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-37945320328809509692011-04-09T15:39:00.000+01:002011-04-12T21:43:41.371+01:00The pitter patter of tiny feetSo Poppet has been with us for about 10 days now. And of course the house feels different. And somehow at times it feels like it's always been like this and at other times I wonder how it all happened.<br />
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Bringing her home permanently was strange. We arrived at the designated time and of course the SW was late. Poppet seemed aware something was up - and was studiously avoiding everyone. But we went outside and played with her and then suddenly we were saying good bye to the fostercarers and feeling terribly emotional and then we were on the way home. We went to the shops, came home and had lunch and put her down for her nap and of course we didn't have to get her ready to go back and so just did our thing really.<br />
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And that's how it's been. Continuing with her routine, trying to work out what food to give her - her FCs are plain food people and that's what she's been used to. So we've had a few standby ready meals and jars at the the ready. Lunch and breakfast are quite straight forward but dinners not so much and I've been finding it quite stressful, but we're getting there.<br />
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And this week it was just the two of us as Matt went back to work and on the whole it's been good. She is a mini hurricane and it's obvious that she needs to go out of a morning so we are going to try out Tumbletots and explore what's on locally. Playgrounds are scary as she is fearless and will climb and want to do what the older children do! After lunch she naps and we have the Wiggles on and play and it's much more low key until dinner and then Matt comes home and they play and he puts her to bed. So we're finding our rhythm and we're all adapting to this new way of life including the cats who are getting more resigned to this noisy new thing and are finding their ways of coping.<br />
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I've been feeling very anxious - I think this is totally normal for any new mum - and not sleeping well, so went to the doctor's and have a high dose antihistamine to help me sleep and hopefully I'll get back into a decent sleep pattern. I'm not physically tired (I think my job has been very useful in that sense) but more mentally exhausted. Once I'm sleeping again I'm hoping that nap time will be more productive and I can start doing a bit of exercise.<br />
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It's hard to know when dealing with a small person how they are coping - she generally sleeps well and is a happy outgoing little thing - but she also may have attachment issues and as she can't express her feelings through words, and indeed probably couldn't anyway it's an unknown quantity. <br />
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We have a lot of laughs together and she loves to hug and kiss the cats and toys and even the weather girl on TV, as well as us. So one wonders if she's bonding. But there are moments that are lovely, like when she gives Matt a food covered kiss when he comes home from work, or when she comes and leans into my legs. And she takes turns in favouring one of us.<br />
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She also seems to want to test us with her behaviour - lots of tantrums when she can't have her own way and if one of us leaves the room. Of course a lot of this is age appropriate, but also we have to be mindful that it's also typical of adopted children - especially one where she's been moved around and removed from the people who cared for her - be it birth mum or various FC and even SWs. Of course she's going to feel insecure. And honestly? It's a good sign that she does feel insecure - I'd be more worried if she didn't.<br />
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ZZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-22717380704966378212011-04-01T15:49:00.000+01:002011-04-12T21:43:41.371+01:00Introductions - coming to our house and meeting the catsI think the last few days have been the most emotional. It's hard to put into words the feelings that we have both been feeling. Apart from being exhausted! But it's been a mixture of delight and terror and sadness and joy.<br />
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On Sunday Poppet visited with her FCs - they stayed for tea and biscuits and this gave us an opportunity to introduce her to the cats for the first time. Blue, who is the most sociable, was the perfect choice to start with and he came in voluntarily. Berry stayed out of the way and went into a bit of a sulk. We showed how to stroke him gently and all went well. She wanted to see the house and explored a bit. After a couple of hours they went home.<br />
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Monday came and they drove her to us (as well as most of her toys). This time they didn't stay long, but left her so we were able to spend more time getting used to the new house, playing with her toys and the garden and terrorising the cats. We had our first "at home" meals and a nap in her new cot. The nap did not result in much sleep but she played happy and chatted away to herself. Although this was good in a sense, it also shows that she is almost too self sufficient - that she was used to being left on her own when she was with her mum in the mother and baby unit. After dinner we all got in the car and she tried out the new car seat which she seem to get used to quickly.<br />
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We took her back to the FCs and put her to bed. We stayed at Fawlty Towers again - this time in a better room as they were less busy. We ate there and no, we didn't have the Wardolf Salad, but actually surprisingly nice food. Both of us crashed out. I woke in the wee small hours having an anxiety attack - I have had them before, but not for a while. I managed to get back to sleep but in the morning I felt teary and stressed. It was all starting to feel more real. But also it has stirred all sorts of emotions - about my fertility, about me as a woman and a person. It's exciting but daunting and a huge responsibility. <br />
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That day we went to the FCs and had a meeting with the SWs (this involves a cast of 1000s). It was great to hear the FCs say that they felt that things were going well and all of a sudden it was agreed that we could bring her home for good on Wednesday. And signed and sealed! Eeek!<br />
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As her last part time day with us, we took her home to a house full of plastic toys (gah, some age appropriate and some not so much. Unfortunately she has a lot of things that had been given to her by her birth family, which are not wonderful- like the toy buggy which is designed for a much older child. She loves it though and we did laugh a lot when Blue decided that it was the perfect bed for him and he climbed into it. <br />
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Another long drive back to the FCs and then home this time. Was weird to this that this was the last night in the house just the two of us humans.<br />
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More about bringing her home for good soon<br />
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Z xZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-7967268506058396492011-03-27T22:11:00.000+01:002011-04-12T21:43:41.371+01:00Introductions - learning to fall in love and forming bondsOne of the things that people assume is that once you have been matched, that's it, your child comes home but these days it's much more complicated. In my last post I talked about how we provided the foster carer (FC) with a book, cd and pictures from us. She used them with Poppet (I am calling her this for privacy reasons) to get used to our faces and voices, as well as our house and cats. <br />
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Remember, this is a 17 month old who has been in this placement for 5 months and her background is complicated, and although she has been in care for most of her short life it's involved moving around a lot and many carers so it's likely that she has not formed good attachments to any one person.<br />
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It's important that she feels comfortable with us and can start to fall in love with us, and us with her. And this is different to having just seen pictures and video clips - I guess it's a bit like internet dating. Everything on paper seems perfect but it's about chemistry and building trust in order to build attachment. And "looked after" children need this handled very carefully because most of them have had trauma and neglect in their early lives and even pre-birth stress can cause brain development to be delayed, which can cause issues with behaviour, development and even some mental illness, sometimes later in life. Not to mention effects that alcohol and drugs may have had.<br />
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Poppet is one of the lucky ones - because she was in care very early - but even then we need to make sure that she builds attachment to us properly and appropriately. I've since realised that I know someone who had attachment disorder and it caused a lot of issues for her later in life with maintaining good friendships and relationships. Now I know that this is the case I have a lot more understanding of her behaviour, but it caused a lot of heartache at the time.<br />
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Most children form such strong bonds with their mothers, and fathers, especially these days as we have a lot of information and encouragement for that. Having not had the luxury of a pregnancy and baby bonding, we need to start from scratch.<br />
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<b>Day 1 - Softly softly</b> <br />
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:o)<br />
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We met with the FCs and what seemed like 3 billion social workers (SWs) to plan the next days - lots of paper work and discussion about how to handle various issues etc.<br />
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We had a break to allow her FC to go home and give her lunch and have a break and then at 2.30 turned up nervously to meet her for the first time. We were dressed, at the suggestion of our SW, in the clothes we were wearing in one of the photographs of us - rather loud shirts but very recognisable. <br />
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She was an absolute sweetie. We needed to hold back, for her to start to come to us and to build trust slowly. It is a temptation to want to give her a cuddle, but this is about her needs, not ours and we enjoyed watching her toddle around and play in a safe environment. She relaxed a little more when the SW left and started to interact with us more.<br />
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We only stayed for a couple of hours, and went home feeling happy and excited at seeing how bright and cute she is. It's an hours drive home.<br />
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<b>Day 2 - emotional roller coaster!</b><br />
We have another drive back to her FC's and had to be there by 9 as she had to go to the dietician with her. I think that this is when she started to realise that things were a little different with us and she started to pay us more attention, looking at us carefully, and starting to come up to touch us. We were able to play peek a boo and look at books with her and then we gave her lunch where we ate with her and fed her. She's a lot more comfortable with us. We leave after lunch, forgoing a planned shopping trip for me to visit a friend who is very sick and a both feeling absolutely shattered and emotionally drained.<br />
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<b>Day 3 - nappy training today ;o) matt got the nasty one!</b><br />
We were glad of a bit of a lie in and panicked a little when we realised that we were due to be there at 10 and not 11. But we got there on time and had more time with her - again feeding her and playing and starting to change nappies. Funnily enough, it's the thing that most people think is going to be difficult but in fact I don't think we found it too bad, it's part of life really and you just get on with it. And again, it helps to build trust and attachment when you do "parental" things.<br />
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We had longer with her, and put her down for a nap and stayed for dinner. As we wanted to give the FCs a bit of space we used nap time as time to get some shopping done - like the buggy and some other bits. She already has a pair of nice patent black Clarks but needed something for running around in so we got some Clarks trainers and I also got her some little outfits that are more my style. She loved the shoes and was happy to run about in them. <br />
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When we left she cried - hopefully a good sign, although that sounds odd!<br />
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That night we stayed at a local hotel (Fawlty Towers) which was an experience as it hadn't been renovated since 1979!<br />
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<b>Day 4. Matt has another woman in his life who likes shoes. Especially pink ones with lights. And she can say the word "shooes". Oh oh</b><br />
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Unfortunately she had a bit of a dodgy tummy and so we got the full fun of dealing with a really nasty nappy when she got up and some sick after nap time. So we limited food and made sure she was drinking enough fluid. <br />
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But we still went to the park and she explored and just enjoyed being outside and looking at the horses. <br />
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She is very bright - has a lot of words and can babble away and even said "daddy" - as well as "shoes" and "wass that" and she is starting to put sentences together. She understands a lot too. And is wanting to learn and copy. She's allowing us to pick her up and will kiss and come to Mummy and Daddy (us!!). She also cried when we left which reinforced the feeling that she might (hopefully!) be forming more of an attachment to us.<br />
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<b>Day 5 - Poorly poppet</b><br />
The tummy bug (caught from the baby also at the FC's) developed and over night she was very unwell so when we arrived at 11 she was grizzly and had a temperature. I took her and after a while she settled in my arms and cuddle and eventually fell asleep. Poor tot had very little to eat but was drinking and perked up a bit after her nap and some capol. We played a bit in the garden and sang songs! I'm becoming good at Twinkle Twinkle and If you're happy and you know it (with added verse of "If you're happy and you know it wiggle your bum").<br />
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We stayed until bedtime, had stories and put her to bed. <br />
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The next day we all had a day off. She had perked up and we spoke on the phone I will continue in my next post and talk about her coming to us and meeting the cats!Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-62192110375097528982011-03-10T08:43:00.001+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.372+01:00It's a Match!Finally last night we went to matching panel - and it was a yes. We meet our little girl in less than two weeks.<br />
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We are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, emotional but mostly excited and joyful.<br />
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This is a summary of the process that we've been through. I may have written bits about it previously, but hopefully this gives an overall picture of what we've gone through!<br />
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We have been quite lucky with the process - it was hard finding a local authority to take us (for various reasons not just cancer) but we finally found one and they have been brilliant. We went to an open evening, then had a home visit (in September 2009). They requested that we have early medicals due to hubby being diabetic and my cancer (I waited until I was 2 years clear) and then they put us on the waiting list for the preparation workshops.<br />
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Those started in January last year and were brilliant - very emotional at times but very well done and realistic. We got to meet foster parents and adoptive parents and we talked openly about fertility issues with other couples, and things like child development, birth families and trauma and loss - all things that we will be dealing with. Other issues too. It is a roller coaster of emotion, and really makes you question your motives.<br />
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After that we officially applied, were accepted and went through the approval process. We had about 12 meetings with our social worker on a weekly basis - they took 2-3 hours. Sometimes individually but usually together. We also had A LOT of home work. It's very time consuming and you need to be flexible. We're lucky as both of us have jobs that allow working from home or time during the day. Social workers have lives too and do not want to be at people's houses til late at night.<br />
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What helped us was from the outset agreeing that we would be totally honest and open - no skeletons in the cupboards. That included admitting that we'd used drugs in our youth, and talking about family issues that were uncomfortable. I think that this is the bit that worries people, but remember this, social workers have seem it all. Literally. Whatever you have done in the past is never going to be as bad as some of the things that have seen, which is the tragedy of it all. If you are honest, good people who are emotionally mature enough to talk about things openly, they won't judge. They don't care if there's a little bit of dust in your house - they want to see a realistic picture, a completely pristine home is as much as a warning to them as anything else - how are you going to cope with a small messy person?<br />
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We didn't get asked about our sex life (we're pretty tactile so I think it was obvious that we are close) - they did ask others though. They didn't check our fridge (I have heard that can happen), but we lead a healthy lifestyle and that's pretty obvious.<br />
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We thought long and hard about our references - in the end we chose my mum and stepdad as our family one (just because they are closer distance wise), my good and old friend Clare (we spend a lot of time with her family and especailly their daughter) and the parents of Matt's best mate (have known him since uni). We were told that they were excellent choices because they were able to give different but positive and honest views of us individually and as a couple. The SW also met Matt's parents.<br />
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Once the report was written, we had a second opinion visit - we did get some curly questions then - and we were able to read the report. It was all very positive.<br />
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In November we had Approval Panel which was nerve wracking - I won't lie! We went into a room and faced about 13 people. I was so nervous I couldn't talk and Matt suddenly had verbal diarrhea. But they were lovely. Again we got asked less questions than we were expecting, but they were very complimentary about our SW's report. We were sent out of the room, and got called back later to tell us we were approved!<br />
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Next was the matching process - i have to say that we have been unusually lucky as it's been incredibly fast for us, but it's much more about the child and finding the right parents than finding the right child for us. We were not expecting anything to happen until after we got back from holiday in January.<br />
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In December we were due to have a next steps meeting with our SW but she emailed us and told us that she was going to bring details of a child. We had her permanance report (a summary of her background) and a little DVD. And we knew she was right for us. Just before we left for Aus we were in the middle of packing up the kitchen and the SWs came again - this time with the SW who had known her since birth. She had to decide if she felt we were right and thankfully she did!<br />
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While we were away the SWs had a matching meeting. Now often there are several couples being considered but our circumstances were unusual - they had already rejected a couple of couples and another had opted out so it was just us, and again that went through.<br />
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When we got back we were dealing with no kitchen (still not finished) and had more meetings - with SWs, her foster carer, her brothers' adoptive mother, the medical advisor and also read more detailed records.<br />
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We also prepared her room, and got together a book of pictures of us, the house, the cats and grandparents for her fostercarer to give her if it was a match. Also placemats with our picture and a CD of us reading stories.<br />
<br />
So last night we had matching panel - we had 3 social workers with us this time, and we found it a lot less intimidating - partly because we knew what to expect and partly because we had met some of the people, and recognised other's faces. Again we were not asked many questions but more were directed to the SWs'. They passed around the book which we'd done and loved it. They didn't even send us out of the room to deliberate, just told us then and there that it was a unanimous agreement that it's a match!<br />
<br />
So the rest of our lives start here. And another adventure begins!<br />
<br />
Z xZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-42160817932056310682010-11-11T16:03:00.001+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.372+01:00Long over due post - adoption panelThe last fe months have been exhaysting - balancing work, exam revision and practise with the adoption process which has pretty much taken up a day a weel (almost) for months. We've had homework and have gone through our lives with a fine tooth comb, but finally we had our date for panel.<br />
<br />
It was at 8 so we met beforehand for food (a bit of a nightmare for various reasons) and then met our SW.<br />
<br />
We sat in the waiting room (was like waiting outside the head mistress's office) and chatted and I kept on jumping every time someone opened the door. Eventually a smiley woman came in and introduced herself as the vice chair and showed us through.<br />
<br />
We walked into a room with 10-12 people sitting around three sides of a large table - we sat down and they introduced themselves. It was a range of SWs, lawyers, medical advisors, councillors and also a couple of women who had been adopted themselves.<br />
<br />
I realised that I was shaking uncontrollably. They asked us a "warm up" question which was what did we think of the process and then they complimented our SW on her report and asked her what we were like and she was complimentary about us, and the cats got a special mention (they even had a picture of them!)<br />
<br />
Then they asked a couple more serious questions - things like what sort of child did we see ourself with and other things. I realised that my quiet hubby had suddenly developed verbal diarrhoea and I couldn't get a word in edgeways. I was also still shaking.<br />
<br />
They then showed us out and we went back to the waiting room, but hadn't had time to sit down when we were called in. We sat down and they told us that they were happy to let us know that they were going to <b>recommend us for approval</b>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
<br />
They also commented on how we are very open and obviously mutually supportive and how we have a very supportive network around us.<br />
<br />
So very good news, we are absolutely shattered. And very happy, though it seems a bit surreal at the moment.<br />
<br />
We have some nice things lined up - a weekend in Vienna and Christmas and a some concerts and a trip to Aus while we take our mind off waiting for a match. Not to mention the new kitchen that we need and the sorting out of rooms that we have to do!<br />
<br />
ZZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-4398270774435983172010-03-05T10:56:00.002+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.372+01:00Joseph H PilatesJoseph Pilates was born in Germany in 1883 from Greek ancestory. A sickly child he decided to devote himself to improving his health through fitness, coming to beleive that lifestyle, posture and inefficient breathing were the source of bad health in "modern" times.<br />
<br />
He devised a series of exercises and became a gymnast and body builder, eventually moving to England and working with various bodies, including Scotland Yard, training people in self defence.<br />
<br />
During WW1 he was interned in a prisoner of war camp due with other German citizens and started to work on an integrated, comprehensive system of physical exercise, which he himself called "Contrology." He used this on the other prisoners, training then in fitness and exercise - and it is believed that the inmates survived the flu pandemic of 1918 thanks to their physical fitness.<br />
<br />
After release he worked as a hospital orderly, using bed springs to offer light resistance exercises to patients, an idea which later evolved into the Pilates Cadillac or Trapeze Table. He also worked with others, like Rudolph Laban <i style="color: #ea9999;">(a dancer, choreograper and theorist whose work laid the foundations for Laban Movement Analysis and other more specific developments in dance notation. He is considered to be one of the most important figures in the history of European contemporary dance. I trained at his school in London).</i><br />
<br />
In 1926 he moved to New York and married Clara. Together they established a studio and worked on developing Contrology, encouraging the use of the mind to control the muscles. It focuses attention on core postural muscles that help keep the human body balanced and provide support for the spine. In particular, Pilates exercises teach awareness of breath and of alignment of the spine, and strengthen the deep torso and abdominal muscles.<br />
<br />
Among his clients were dancers such as Martha Graham and George Balanchine, who appreciated how the exercise method created long, lean muscles without building bulk. Soon, some of his students ("disciples") began opening studios of their own. <br />
<br />
He died in 1967. Most of his disciples have gone on to set up schools of their own. Moira Stott Merrithew, trained under Romana Kryzanowska. She had been the principle ballerina with the City Ballet of Toronto and a neck injury prompted her to adapt some of the principles she learned in New York to be more in tune with contemporary exercise science, founding Stott Pilates, the discipline I'm trained under.Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-4400922843929144872010-02-18T12:14:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.372+01:00PilatesI get a lot of people asking me about what Pilates is.<br />
<br />
Firstly, the name is Pilates and not Pilate. It's named after Joseph Pilates who founded the movent early in the 20th century. More about him later!<br />
<br />
It's a form of exercise that is designed to strengthen and lengthen the muscles. It's primary focus is the core - so the muscles around the pelvis, abdomen and spine - but also the other muscles in the body. It also trains the deep muscles (local muscles) which are essential for spinal and joint stability, as well as the global muscles which are larger and more superficial and tend to be normally the focus in a standard gym environment.<br />
<br />
Most people have seen or heard of Pilates in the gym as mat classes. These can be great but often the classes are large and people come and go so you might not get the full benefit if you've not had the basic foundation before you start.<br />
<br />
There is also equipment involved - I teach the <a href="http://store.stottpilates.com/Stott/SearchByCategory.aspx?CategoryCode=430&TopCat=7">reformer</a> at the moment and am about to train in the <a href="http://store.stottpilates.com/Stott/SearchByCategory.aspx?CategoryCode=283">cadillac</a>, <a href="http://store.stottpilates.com/Stott/SearchByCategory.aspx?CategoryCode=289">barrel</a> and <a href="http://store.stottpilates.com/Stott/SearchByCategory.aspx?CategoryCode=286">chair</a>. These are fantastic pieces of equipment that allow us to really cater for all levels. The reformer can be used in small classes or in 1-1 training whereas the other equipment is better for 1-1. <br />
<br />
The reformer has a sliding carriage which glides along rollers and has a system of springs for resistance. It can be used for a wide variety of exercises. We don't use weights but instead the springs allow for gradual resistance as the muscles contract - this means longer leaner looking muscles and not bulky ones! it also means that the muscles are being used to their full capacity in a safe way with less stress on the tendons and ligaments. Additionally we can work on flexibility as well as strength.<br />
<br />
I trained with <a href="http://www.stottpilates.com/faq.html#anchor_method">STOTT PILATES®</a> which is a modern take of Pilates' original method - they've worked with people like physios and sports medicine and fitness professionas. Whereas other methods work with a straight back, for example, we focus on the spine's natural curves aiming to strengthen the muscles around the back and shoulder. Read the info on the link as it's really interesting!<br />
<br />
But this means we can train people from those who need rehabilitation from injury etc all the way up to elite atheletes.<br />
<br />
I hope that helps some. Will write about Joseph Pilates more at another point.<br />
<br />
ZZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-72925842095921230772010-02-10T17:17:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.373+01:00Check up at the MarsdenYou must all think I'm mad getting so worked up about a check up, but it's odd as my brain knows rationally that everything is probably ok but my body reacts differently - it's a physical thing and it's always worse at this time of year because it's also the anniversary of my chemoradiation and my body reacts to that before I remember.<br />
<br />
This time was worse as I have a lump under my left boob. It's huge and moves and is uncomfortable if I wear a sports bra. Any how they do think I should have it removed but don't think it's anything sinister so will have to wait for a referral and everything else is fine.<br />
<br />
So am very relieved. I've seen so many people have recurrences over the years and have lost some dear friends and I think that although I feel fine (good actually) it's in the back of my head that I was feeling ok (apart from being really tired) before my diagnosis. <br />
<br />
Still feel a bit better after a chat and <a href="http://hummingbirdbakery.com/flash.html">cake</a> with my mum. It's a good tradition.<br />
<br />
Z xZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-72308175676939336452010-02-08T11:17:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.373+01:00WeightlossAs an aside I decided to track my weightloss - it's been a long slow process, with a few glitches on the way but is a downward trend and definately very positive!<br />
<br />
Z<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.tickerfactory.com/weight-loss/wad15Ja">My Weight Chart:<br><img src="http://tickers.tickerfactory.com/WeightPlot/wad15Ja.png" alt="Weight Chart" title="Weight Chart" border="0"></a>Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-87135835456261803572010-02-05T17:35:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.373+01:00Another step forwardWe had our first adoption workshop on Wednesday and I found it hugely beneficial. Both of us were pretty apprehensive as we'd seen the agenda and it was all about dealing with loss and grief. I was worried that it would force us to bring up some things that we dealt with and also that it might be a bit touchy feely.<br />
<br />
We were even more stressed when we got there as we'd been caught up in traffic and it took us 2 1/2 hours to get there and so we were very late. Not a good start!<br />
<br />
There were quite a few other couples there (about 8) and one single woman. As the day progressed it was interesting to hear people's stories about why they want to adopt - some were like us and dealing with infertility in various guises and others already had children and wanted to add to their families. We talked about the relevancy of the workshops to all of us and had various exercises to work through some of the issues.<br />
<br />
The first and the one I was nervous about was feeling cards - I was worried that we'd have to talk about emotions and things, but instead it was cards with statements on them such as "I'm not sure this is relevant to me", "will there be other people in my situation" and so on. They described the feelings and scenarios of different types of adopters and we discussed them in small groups. It was interesting to step into other people's shoes and consider how they might be feeling about their situation and adoption.<br />
<br />
Then after a cuppa we were split into gender groups and talked about the motivation behind the adoption, about our experiences with infertility, other people's reactions to us and how we felt about it. Again it was great to share with the others about it and realise that in many cases although our circumstances were different our feelings were very similar. We also watched a couple of short dvds which I thought were a bit strange, one was quite 70s and a bit idealised whereas the other was from the man's perspective and was rather blokey - as women we thought it was quite funny.<br />
<br />
We had lunch and were able to chat with the others a bit more, then straight back to the workshop.<br />
<br />
To combat post lunch fatigue we had to create road maps of our lives, our desire to be parents and so one. This involved some Blue Peter creativity and glue, scissors and coloured pencils - was also interesting to see who could share valuable assets like scissors. It was a lot of fun and had us all sitting on the floor like we were at play group. We were using images of road signs and there was some hilarity at finding where some images would fit!<br />
<br />
We also did an exercise where we talked about loss - not necessarily about fertility but other events in our lives that have been significant. This could be anything from loss of a parent, or a job or even identity, and how we felt and dealt with the grief it caused. There are several different stages of dealing with loss - things like anger, grief, denial, acceptance etc. Then we moved on to talking about how a child may be dealing with loss when he or she is adopted - loss of birth parents, loss of foster parents, then being moved away from school and friends and so on. And how loss can come up for adoptive parents and children over the years.<br />
<br />
It was a long day and very tiring but I think we both felt pretty positive afterwards. It gave us a lot to think about, and also answered some questions. I also think that it helped me to meet other people who are at exactly the same stage as us and that was reassuring because you hear lots of adoption stories but it's good to have people going through it at the same time as us. Also we all found a lot to laugh about and that was also helpful to break the ice. Some of these people may become friends and others not, but they will be part of our future in a way and it's good that all of us can see the funny side of things.<br />
<br />
ZZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-76849900380430886922010-01-28T11:21:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.373+01:00Of cars and crazinessI have decided that Prius drivers are the new BMW drivers - but what makes them worse is not only do they not seem to have indicators and like to undertake, they also seem to have a holier than thou attitude because they are doing their "bit" for the environment. I wonder what else they've done? Of course it annoys me even more that they don't have to pay congestion charge.<br />
<div style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</div><i><span style="color: #a64d79;">(brief interlude as I panic as I think I forgot to pay mine yesterday and go off to check)</span></i><br />
<br />
I had forgotten to pay. Luckily remembered before the barstwards could fine me. Am coveting a cute Fiat 500 - they are v popular but ideal for driving around the narrow streets of London and much easier to park. I do love our Audi, but would love to be able to parallel park in smaller spaces.<br />
<br />
Have been really busy at work - the early mornings and late nights are tough (and are going to be harder as I start to have 6 am clients but have jiggled my hours and will have wednesdays off. Of course some of those are going to be absorbed by the adoption workshops. The first one is next week and I'm quite nervous about it as it's really looking into if adoption is the right thing for you and talking about dealing with your fertility. I think I am pretty much over it but it will be hard to go through the process of talking about it again.<br />
<br />
But after that, assuming everything is ok, the next lot sound really interesting - talking about different children and scenarios and challenges that we might face. Of course the annoying thinig is, that it clashes with my pilates training and so march is going to be a tough month, trying to be in several places at once. It's all a bit overwhelming but we will manage. I guess we just have to be a little more organised!<br />
<br />
Wanted to add a shout out for my friend's shop <a href="http://www.quirkyboutique.com%20%20/">www.quirkyboutique.com </a>- some lovely lovely tattoo inspired cards and jewellery and other fun things, arrives beautifully presented. <br />
<br />
ZZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-73067105528110590472010-01-28T11:12:00.001+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.374+01:00Chicken and mushroom Risotto for 2The lovely Wendy asked me to post my recipe, so I will!<br />
<br />
Ingredients<br />
<br />
1 tsp olive oil<br />
1 large onion chopped<br />
2 cloves of garlic<br />
250 g mushrooms (the brown ones)<br />
75g aborio rice <br />
200 g cooked chicken (left over from roast!)<br />
1/2 tsp dried thyme<br />
125 ml white wine<br />
hot chicken stock (around 750 ml)<br />
grated parmesan (about 20 g)<br />
<br />
Sweat the onion and garlic in the oil and add the mushrooms, cook until the mushrooms start to soften. Add rice and stir until the rice starts to glisten. Add the chicken, thyme and wine and stir until wine is absorbed. Keep adding stock and stirring until the rice is al dente. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Add half the parmesan. Serve with a green salad, and top with the remaining parmesan and ground black pepper.Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-76443645583426304042010-01-22T14:31:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.374+01:00Cervical Cancer Prevention Week 24th - 30th January 2010<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYbwBOMv8L478bDvF5HpVvnyWQC5W9UPgyoqf5DABi9K9y3I9SiMLuuykk2VxZS6xF2VMpjM-aVEAkoZLPdnnafyh6wZGHLLB6wHGhyXgRRgrXpi-zPboVZDYPjLsjgUD0chHCyw/s1600-h/JosTrustPoster_Amended+%282%29.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYbwBOMv8L478bDvF5HpVvnyWQC5W9UPgyoqf5DABi9K9y3I9SiMLuuykk2VxZS6xF2VMpjM-aVEAkoZLPdnnafyh6wZGHLLB6wHGhyXgRRgrXpi-zPboVZDYPjLsjgUD0chHCyw/s640/JosTrustPoster_Amended+%282%29.jpg" width="451" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.jotrust.co.uk/">http://www.jotrust.co.uk/</a><br />
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</div>Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-49038245889911236332010-01-20T16:14:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.374+01:00Butter or Marg?There was a debate on the Motley Fool website about butter, if value butter was any good and if butter was better etc etc I was reminded of this poem - I used to love AA Milne's poems, still do really!<br />
<br />
<b>The King's Breakfast</b><br />
The King asked<br />
The Queen, and<br />
The Queen asked<br />
The Dairymaid:<br />
"Could we have some butter for<br />
The Royal slice of bread?"<br />
The Queen asked the Dairymaid,<br />
The Dairymaid<br />
Said, "Certainly,<br />
I'll go and tell the cow<br />
Now<br />
Before she goes to bed."<br />
<br />
The Dairymaid<br />
She curtsied,<br />
And went and told<br />
The Alderney:<br />
"Don't forget the butter for<br />
The Royal slice of bread."<br />
The Alderney<br />
Said sleepily:<br />
"You'd better tell<br />
His Majesty<br />
That many people nowadays<br />
Like marmalade<br />
Instead."<br />
<br />
The Dairymaid<br />
Said, "Fancy!"<br />
And went to<br />
Her Majesty.<br />
She curtsied to the Queen, and<br />
She turned a little red:<br />
"Excuse me,<br />
Your Majesty,<br />
For taking of<br />
The liberty,<br />
But marmalade is tasty, if<br />
It's very<br />
Thickly<br />
Spread."<br />
<br />
The Queen said<br />
"Oh!:<br />
And went to<br />
His Majesty:<br />
"Talking of the butter for<br />
The royal slice of bread,<br />
Many people<br />
Think that<br />
Marmalade<br />
Is nicer.<br />
Would you like to try a little<br />
Marmalade<br />
Instead?"<br />
<br />
The King said,<br />
"Bother!"<br />
And then he said,<br />
"Oh, deary me!"<br />
The King sobbed, "Oh, deary me!"<br />
And went back to bed.<br />
"Nobody,"<br />
He whimpered,<br />
"Could call me<br />
A fussy man;<br />
I only want<br />
A little bit<br />
Of butter for<br />
My bread!"<br />
<br />
The Queen said,<br />
"There, there!"<br />
And went to<br />
The Dairymaid.<br />
The Dairymaid<br />
Said, "There, there!"<br />
And went to the shed.<br />
The cow said,<br />
"There, there!<br />
I didn't really<br />
Mean it;<br />
Here's milk for his porringer,<br />
And butter for his bread."<br />
<br />
The Queen took<br />
The butter<br />
And brought it to<br />
His Majesty;<br />
The King said,<br />
"Butter, eh?"<br />
And bounced out of bed.<br />
"Nobody," he said,<br />
As he kissed her<br />
Tenderly,<br />
"Nobody," he said,<br />
As he slid down the banisters,<br />
"Nobody,<br />
My darling,<br />
Could call me<br />
A fussy man -<br />
BUT<br />
I do like a little bit of butter to my bread!"<br />
<br />
Alan Alexander MilneZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-70787542633812473112010-01-13T22:02:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.375+01:00Roast pepper and tomato soup<span style="color: #666666; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: black;">Made this tonight - perfect winter weather food. Diet friendly, delicious and easy. Adapted from an Asda recipe.</span></span><span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; font-weight: 800; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b><br />
</b></span></span><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b>900g Tomatoes, halved</b></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b>2 red peppers, quartered and de-seeded</b></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b>1 medium red onion, finely sliced</b></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b>2 garlic cloves</b></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b>2tbsp olive oil </b></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b>1 stock cube (veggie or chicken)</b></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b>1tbsp Sweet Chilli Sauce</b></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b>1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce</b></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black;"><b>4tbsp creme fraiche</b></span></span></li>
</ul></span></span></span><div id="buy-ingred" style="margin-bottom: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;">Method</span></div><span>Preheat the oven to 200C/180CFan/Gas 5. Put the tomatoes, peppers, onion and garlic cloves in a roasting tin and drizzle over the olive oil. Toss the vegetables so that they're well coated. Cook in the oven for 50 minutes, turning the vegetables half way through.<br />
<br />
Dissolve the stock cube in 500ml of hot water. Puree the roasted vegetables with the stock in a blender or food processor (you may need to do this in two batches), then pass it through a sieve if you prefer the soup without the tomato seeds and tiny flecks of skin<br />
<br />
Pour the soup into a pan, add the sweet chilli sauce and Worcestershire sauces and reheat gently. Serve with a swirl of creme fraiche.</span>Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-40104928721831931232010-01-13T09:41:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.375+01:00Snowed in againWell wasn't expecting this much snow again. Apparently nor were the council who managed to not grit ANY of the main roads. I realised I wasn't going to make it in by 7.30 and called my colleague who was in with an early client - she agreed to take my client (who apparently didn't show up anyway). Attempted to make it in for my 9.30 but scared myself when driving in so stopped, turned around and drove home. A 20 minute round trip took over an hour.<br />
<br />
Most people were driving really sensibly, especially the lorry driver behind me who was keeping a 100 yard distance. Apart from a couple of UTTER numpties - like the German woman in a mini who pushed in and cut me up and thought it was funny. She had a child in the back. Did she not realise that the reason everyone was driving slowly was because it was DANGEROUS? Idiot. It's just not worth risking your life or someone else's?<br />
<br />
Any way home and safe now. Was amused by this - cheered me up anyway!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNDVAWeJleeznK8BbsRkPrSGjVA5GJJ9r71fYgzDD3IqPD9SecICdA1OE6C9rnQn1_4SCDWmOcE48p5l6gnQEc2o8r_C4PVnMi-O7K45UwQWkP7GaR0vd912cuiPcmxDMfnv2eng/s1600-h/office+pilates.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNDVAWeJleeznK8BbsRkPrSGjVA5GJJ9r71fYgzDD3IqPD9SecICdA1OE6C9rnQn1_4SCDWmOcE48p5l6gnQEc2o8r_C4PVnMi-O7K45UwQWkP7GaR0vd912cuiPcmxDMfnv2eng/s400/office+pilates.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-13322502940097627072010-01-11T12:22:00.001+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.375+01:00Argh - frustrations abound.The snow still is hanging around and is starting to get annoying now. I'm over it. Am am very glad that we invested in a wood burning stove - it's making a big difference to our winters. And contrary to popular opinion, it's not a bad thing to have one either. There are enviormental benefits - we are using less gas as the thermostat is lower and we are keeping our main room very toasty; even though our area is a smoke control area, the stove is so efficient and clean it's fine for us to use, we use seasoned wood which burns more efficiently and most wood you get here is from sustainable sources.<br />
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Yes you do have a bit of work to do (well Matt does in our case) in keeping it clean, but it's not much as there's very little ash. And you do have to keep an eye on it - but that's fire. There's very little better on a horrible cold winter's day than lighting a fire and cuddling up with the cats.<br />
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And this morning I'm doing invoices - very boring but at least I get paid at the end! Need to do my tax return this week, which is more boring and does not involve payment at the end. Some times it's depressing being grown up!<br />
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I got a bit pissed off last week having been so pleased about the MacMillian report (see last post) I posted it on Jo's and promptly got told by another poster that I might be scaring people who might then not take treatment. You know, it's really really important that we talk about these things. When I had treatment I made sure that I was well researched and knew my options, BUT there's very little known or published about radiotherapy side effects.<br />
<br />
I know a few people who have had cancer and are dealing with side effects, or recurrances and need to talk about these issues and I know that as an organisation Jo's is really supportive of that. It was set up as a support for people dealing with cancer. Sometimes, because of the Jade thing, it seems like the focus is on CIN, but we should not be afraid of talking about cancer related issues. WE HAVE TO, it's so so important. Ultimately I'd rather people make informed choices than get half truths, and in the end to have or not have treatment is a personal decision.<br />
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The fact is that cancer is terrifying, but if you have a diagnosis of CIN you've not got cancer and frankly it's easily treatable. When we talk about what has happened to us POST cancer it should never ever be an excuse not to have treatment. And I think that those who are going through the cancer treatment should also have honesty about what might happen afterwards. I think sometimes these things are glossed over by the consultants because really they want to get us well.<br />
<br />
When we saw Dr Andreyev talk at the Let's Meet it was very informative - he has a huge waiting list of people who have had pelvic radiation and need after care on bowel damage. He's only one of <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: red;">FOUR</span> <span style="color: #8000bf;">in the world</span> </span>(I sound like Jeremy Clarkson) who specialise in this. I think that's dreadful. So for me to see this article was a celebration. And I know that Dr Andreyev is very frustrated that the oncologists work so hard to save our lives but forget about what happens afterwards. <span style="color: #8080ff;">(as an aside I know of men who have had prostrate cancer and have had major problems with this)</span><br />
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In the end treatment is about working so hard to save lives and it's incredibly important to have that in perspective. I am so glad that I'm still here and am very very mindful of those of us who are not. I absolutely refuse to stop talking about the fact that cancer can kill and that being a survivor is a wonderful wonderful thing but it also brings heartache and other issues that are hard to talk about with people who have not been through it. And I'm not, absolutely not, going to stop talking about those things.Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-30623606694940437382010-01-08T17:13:00.000+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.375+01:002010Who knew that we'd start this year with snow? It seems fitting for a new decade to start so pristinely white. But of course it's chaos and dirty ice so soon and the novelty is fading fast. And it's damn cold for the UK in January.<br />
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Funny to think that I saw the millenium in Sydney's summer and how much has happened since then. <br />
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In those days I was living in Sydney and had been working in the internet/advertising/business consultancy world. I had been very happy in the small consultancy I was in but we'd been bought out by a large advertising agency and it got horribly political with some nasty people pushing me out. I was freelancing and when at a wedding in the UK heard about another job, applied and after some weird interviews (phone and flying back for a weekend) came back to London as Managing Editor for an internet portal.<br />
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Loved the job - had some "interesting" experiences when my bosses decided to allow porn on it!<br />
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The 9/11 happened and the owners used that as an excuse to make us all redundant. Since then I retrained, became a manager of an online mail order company, got made redundant, and a day later got another, similar job.<br />
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While all that was going on I made new friends and Matt, bought a house, got married and adopted Blue and Berry. And then, of course my cancer diagnosis and the start of this blog.<br />
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This decade sees me start my next round of pilates training. My boss is pregnant so I will be taking on a lot more when she goes on maternity leave. And we are moving ahead with the adoption process and start prep workshops next month.<br />
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My goals are pretty short term on the whole - to get through all of that in one piece. We hope to go to Aus to see Col in early 2011 and hopefully be approved for adoption by then. Those outcomes will effect the rest of the decade hugely. It's all positive and I am looking forward to the next decade with Matt.<br />
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We've overcome so much together and while I know we've many more challenges ahead, I think we get through it all! <br />
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As an as aside I was very pleased that <a href="http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Aboutus/News/Latest_News/CancerNoLongerQuestionLifeDeath.aspx">MacMillian has highlighted the issues that we face post cance</a>r and the lack of support that we get. Oncologists do a great job in saving lives but without much thought to what happens afterwards and while I am so grateful to the job they do I do wish that there was more support for radiotherapy damage. I don't think that things will ever be the same.<br />
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Z xZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-47859546179885826832009-12-02T13:12:00.001+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.376+01:00MemeSo my friend who is known as <a href="http://rosamundi.wibsite.com/">Rosamundi</a> in the blogging world has nominated me as a gorgeous person. Which is very flattering. This means that I am to list six things relating to myself that are generally unknown, and mention six blogs or bloggers I consider gorgeous.<br />
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First things first:<br />
1. I hate melon. It's an odd thing to hate but I don't like the smell and that effects the taste. Makes me feel sick.<br />
2. I have lost 2 stone. It's a slow slow process but worth it.<br />
3. I can't digest fibre anymore. Radiotherapy damage means that I have to really be careful what I eat otherwise I can be unwell for days. Usually it's things like beans and pulses or whole meal bread, but can be seeds and nuts and other random foods. The last weekend was bad and I have NO clue what it was that triggered it. So I've had to ditch the diet, eat bland stodgy food and I'm feeling better today.<br />
4. I love trashy TV - like things like Next Top Model, Strictly (ok most people know about that one), Dancing with the Stars and so on. But I hate Big Brother. (Gino to win I'm a Celeb. We luuuuuuurve him!)<br />
5. I lived in Brazil as a child and it deeply effected the way I think about life - everything from poverty to politics. If we adopt I'd really like to do that with our children - take them to experience life in a country where there even greater differences than here. I appreciate life in the UK a lot more having seen such poverty first hand. And yet in countries like Brazil and India there is such vibrancy and life and warmth from the people. It's very humbling.<br />
6. I read really quickly. So when I go on holiday for two weeks I have to take at least 3 books and make sure that there are back ups.<br />
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Ok so for gorgeous blogs: Well there's <a href="http://smackytravels.blogspot.com/">Miranda in the US</a>, the beautiful <a href="http://jessofthejungle.wordpress.com/">Jess in the Jungle </a>who is someone I met through Jo's and is very special. <a href="http://auntietrace.blogspot.com/">Tracey</a> who never fails to make me laugh. <a href="http://bluesoup.wordpress.com/">Bluesoup</a> who thinks too much. And actually that's all. I can't be arsed to think of two more at the moment. Because actually these 4 are all people who I have a lot of time for but don't see often for whatever reason.<br />
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Z<br />
PS got a new client today. Am thrilled.Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-49665748295720790972009-11-27T09:47:00.003+00:002011-04-12T21:43:41.376+01:00Slow cooker pot roast<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I've never been a fan of pot roast until now – this is incredibly easy and delicious.<br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>Brisket in beer with horseradish dumplings - slow cooker</b><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">For the Brisket<br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><ul style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><li>1 kg brisket off the bone</li>
<li>2 celery stalks – chopped</li>
<li>2/3 carrots – chopped</li>
<li>100g mushrooms (quartered)</li>
<li>1 tbs tomato puree</li>
<li>1 tbs flour</li>
<li>1 can ale or bitter</li>
<li>Slug of Worcester sauce</li>
</ul><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">For the dumplings:<br />
</div><ul style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><li>150g self raising flour</li>
<li>150 grams suet (I use veggie)</li>
<li>4 tsp grated horseradish – you can use fresh or creamed</li>
<li>water</li>
</ul><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Cooking time: 8 hours minimum<br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Place veggies, flour, tomato puree into the slow cooker. Pour over the beer and add the Worcester sauce, Stir well. Place brisket on top, so it's partially covered by the liquid. Cook on High for at least 6 hours. Taste and season if necessary.<br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Then make the dumplings by mixing all the ingredients with some water to make a dough and form into dumplings. Place around the beef and cook for another 2 hours.<br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Remove dumplings carefully, then take out the beef and slice (will fall apart). Serve with mashed potato and the veggies spooned over and a glass of red wine!<br />
</div>Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-74852855815183075712009-10-19T15:32:00.000+01:002011-04-12T21:43:41.377+01:00Medical and other thingsSo I had my medical last week. Strange seeing the doc bring out my notes from when I was a baby onwards. She seems to be happy with my health and has said that she thinks I'm fit to raise a child. Hurrah.<br />
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Was a long long form to fill in though - and like most forms had lots of space for totally irrelevant things and very little for the important stuff. You had to say things like if you've ever smoked and taken drugs. One of those things that is odd, because yes I've done both but not very much and are you honest and say yes even though it was a case of a couple of fags when I was a teenager and the occasional spliff in my 20s, or do you just lie by ommission. I opted for the former and was honest, I don't like lying and don't want it to bite me on the bum.<br />
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Or will it stand against me? I don't know. It's all very confusing. But I think honesty is the best policy, no one's perfect.<br />
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In other news had a lovely journalist come to talk to me about blogging today.<br />
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ZZoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17583951.post-9298699350054669512009-10-14T21:32:00.000+01:002011-04-12T21:43:41.377+01:00Winter is comingI know this because I am sat with the TV on and there's football on. It's a boring game. There's moggie mayhem going on somewhere in the house judging by the sound of bells jingling and the occasional thump and then small, yet heavy footsteps charging about.<br />
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It was a frustrating day at work - went in at 7.30am to discover that my client was sick and had cancelled and then my free induction did not turn up. But will be a better day tomorrow - quite busy with a mixture of classes and 1-1s. And then hopefully some people will turn up for an induction that I'm running in the evening - might mean that we get some more clients at the Kew studio.<br />
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Trying not to feel too over whelmed with my schedule next week - I think it will be ok, but hectic.<br />
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Spent what seemed like a life time (but really only a couple of hours) queuing to get a visa for India only to be told that I have to go back another day to pick it up. Frustrating but par for the course really. Was able to go home and watching Dancing with the Stars with Berry and the ironing. Given that the ironing pile was starting to resemble Everest (due to the case of the missing cleaner*), this was no bad thing.<br />
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Diwali party at Corky's on the weekend. A last minute thing (Matt whinged that we'll be having a busy weekend again) but it will be fun. Fireworks, food and friends - all to get us in the mood for India. Fab!<br />
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Medical for the adoption on Friday... eek.<br />
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Z x<br />
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* our cleaner, Ania, is very sweet, very young and Polish. She does a good job with huge enthusiasm (some times a bit too thorough like when we got back from holiday and she'd put almost everything through the washing machine; if the cats had been around they would have been cleaned too). Any way she went to Poland to start planning her wedding (date for 2012) for two weeks. Four weeks later and no sign or reply to texts. I finally got through to her sister as I was getting worried (Matt was worried that she had our keys and alarm code, I was worried for her safety). Anyway, she's finally back and ok. It's good as it will be hard to keep on top of things next week. Though we've survived remarkably well.Zoëhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260826279862162806noreply@blogger.com0