Thursday, July 07, 2011

Sunshine and rain

The last couple of weeks have been hard at times, hence the title of this post. Not only have we had such contrasts in weather daily life has seemed to be just as extreme at times. My friend finally passed away and I found that having cold after cold affected my immune system resulting in feeling very low and sick. Antibiotics helped fight those nasty germs and suddenly I felt more able to cope, as we were able to spend some time in the summer sunshine after a lot of rainy days.

The funeral was very hard - it helped that there was a great group of the girls and chaps from Jo's and we gathered at mine for lunch before walking over - it was strange to be with these people that I care about and chatting away, dressed in bright colours to suddenly be at a crematorium and looking at a coffin. It was just as she would have wanted it - lots of music and friends, but so incredibly sad. I'd spoken to her about this eventuality, but there's a massive space in this world without her pragmatic way and wicked sense of humour and I am going to miss our coffees and nights out.

We also finally had a visit from the health visitor which was very helpful - it was good to talk to someone who is experienced with the children similar to Poppet, who is not a social worker! And it was about me and looking after myself so it really helped. Also as she is not a SW we did not have the same issues with Poppet's behaviour that we normally have after visits. We've had some behavioural issues that have been a bit worrying and they seem to have got worse since the last LAC review, and aimed at me mainly. It seems that the more we bond, which is really happening at the moment, the more she lashes out at me. Probably because I'm her mum and she is angry at "mum" - or at least at something that has happened in her short life.

The health visitor saw it happen and is going to come back in a month and if it is still happening she will get us some help. Which is great news. Honestly I think it will probably work itself out, but it's good to feel supported and that we can get it sorted.

And after that downer - well everything is actually feeling good and sunny (despite a lot more rain)! We've had our first trip up to Yorkshire and the in-laws which was lovely - a weekend of not having to cook, a very spoiled Poppet and time for some us-time thanks to Nana babysitting.

And she loved it - ate LOADS, saw her first steam train, had her first pub lunch, and behaved beautifully (well, mainly!).

And I have made some decisions - our routine has changed so she eats later and we eat earlier most nights so we can have dinner together and she has her bath in the evening. It means that we have a bit more time when she goes to bed and I cook one meal rather than two. There still needs to be some adjustment to make it work better, but it's more relaxing. And it's great us eating as a family. It might not happen every night but I want it to be more often than not.

I am also planning to go back to work. Just an evening and hopefully Saturday mornings, but I think that it's workable and I'm looking forward to it.

And all things considered, she is doing so well - she seems to be growing everyday and has gone from a size 4 shoe to a 5 1/2 in the time she's been with us. And her language is going from strength to strength - she is so desperate to talk. New words spill out everyday and she has little things that she says that sometimes it takes time to work out. Funny little things like saying "haies" which means hands and holding out her hand to me. This afternoon she was leading me around the house. And funny little things she does like nappy checking her toys (involving copious amounts of wipes every where). And announcing she's done a poo, and we check and she hasn't. And working out how to remove her nappy - 4 times in one night and resulting in a wee covered bed. And meowing loudly when we say the word tail (in Meg and Mog, Meg steps on Mog's tail and he meows) or when she eats blueberries (our cats are Blue and Berry).

And it's those things, and the millions more that make it worthwhile -even though mummy does get very cross with her unpacking drawers for the millionth time, seeing her cheeky grin and the way she hugs my legs when I head towards the living room and knowing that mayhem ensues means I can't be cross for long because she is exploring the world and wanting to learn and for the most part being a very typical toddler.

And we are all smitten (well the cats are still pissed off but Blue is happily purring on my lap so it's not all bad for them).

Z x

1 comment:

Leonie said...

Hi Zoe,
I'm enjoying reading about your Poppet- she sounds like a delightful wee girl and you're obviously a proud Mum! I'm not familiar with the challenges associated with adopting, and read the links you provided with interest.

One thing I would like to share is that I find my 2 year old saves her most appalling behavior for me. I'm the only one she has ever bitten, I'm the one she hits out at the most, the one that she rages at when she is angry. My take on it is that these emotional outbursts are saved for me because I'm the one she trusts the most, and therefore she always safely assumes she can test the boundaries with me and be loved and nurtured no matter what.