Happy New Year. Let's hope it's a good one as Lennon said.

We had a lovely break - was nice to be away from hospitals and have "us" time and talk, and take walks and have naps, and breathe fresh air. Coming back was hard though and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

We went to the hospital today and saw the radiotherapy consultant. Another nice man. He talked through things with us again and in all honesty it looks more and more like I'll need radiation. We still have to see the fertility doc and find out our options there (including egg harvesting etc). And now we have a better idea about what to expect in terms of what will happen to my body during the treatment.

Until we've seen the fertility person it's hard to put a time frame on things but it looks like I'll be having my treatment in March - that will be 5 weeks external radiation, some internal and chemo. It's pretty hard emotionally to deal with everything so I've asked to be referred to a counsellor so I can talk to someone impartial about things in general.

On a positive note it looks like Col will be in the country at the end of March, so something to look forward to, and I'm starting some light exercise (walking and pilates).

Thanks to Ness for sending me a wonderful book - thank you - I really enjoyed it and am very proud of you (Ness has set up a small publishing company to reprint rare children's books). Anne, I hear that you are going to be marking Cancer Day partly in my honour, thank you too, it means a lot. To the other person who sent me the Bugsy Malone DVD, thank you too, you know who you are and it's much appreciated! And everyone else who have sent me things and love and good wishes, thanks again. I miss the Fools so much, but I can't go back at the moment which is frustrating and upsetting, espeically as I could use the entertainment right now!

Our outreach nurse was saying today that undernormal circumstances I'd have the all clear by now, and so it's no wonder we feel like this is going on and on. It is very frustrating.

Z xx