Argh - frustrations abound.

The snow still is hanging around and is starting to get annoying now. I'm over it. Am am very glad that we invested in a wood burning stove - it's making a big difference to our winters. And contrary to popular opinion, it's not a bad thing to have one either. There are enviormental benefits - we are using less gas as the thermostat is lower and we are keeping our main room very toasty; even though our area is a smoke control area, the stove is so efficient and clean it's fine for us to use, we use seasoned wood which burns more efficiently and most wood you get here is from sustainable sources.

Yes you do have a bit of work to do (well Matt does in our case) in keeping it clean, but it's not much as there's very little ash. And you do have to keep an eye on it - but that's fire. There's very little better on a horrible cold winter's day than lighting a fire and cuddling up with the cats.

And this morning I'm doing invoices - very boring but at least I get paid at the end! Need to do my tax return this week, which is more boring and does not involve payment at the end. Some times it's depressing being grown up!

I got a bit pissed off last week having been so pleased about the MacMillian report (see last post) I posted it on Jo's and promptly got told by another poster that I might be scaring people who might then not take treatment. You know, it's really really important that we talk about these things. When I had treatment I made sure that I was well researched and knew my options, BUT there's very little known or published about radiotherapy side effects.

I know a few people who have had cancer and are dealing with side effects, or recurrances and need to talk about these issues and I know that as an organisation Jo's is really supportive of that. It was set up as a support for people dealing with cancer. Sometimes, because of the Jade thing, it seems like the focus is on CIN, but we should not be afraid of talking about cancer related issues. WE HAVE TO, it's so so important. Ultimately I'd rather people make informed choices than get half truths, and in the end to have or not have treatment is a personal decision.

The fact is that cancer is terrifying, but if you have a diagnosis of CIN you've not got cancer and frankly it's easily treatable. When we talk about what has happened to us POST cancer it should never ever be an excuse not to have treatment. And I think that those who are going through the cancer treatment should also have honesty about what might happen afterwards. I think sometimes these things are glossed over by the consultants because really they want to get us well.

When we saw Dr Andreyev talk at the Let's Meet it was very informative - he has a huge waiting list of people who have had pelvic radiation and need after care on bowel damage. He's only one of FOUR in the world (I sound like Jeremy Clarkson) who specialise in this. I think that's dreadful. So for me to see this article was a celebration. And I know that Dr Andreyev is very frustrated that the oncologists work so hard to save our lives but forget about what happens afterwards. (as an aside I know of men who have had prostrate cancer and have had major problems with this)

In the end treatment is about working so hard to save lives and it's incredibly important to have that in perspective. I am so glad that I'm still here and am very very mindful of those of us who are not. I absolutely refuse to stop talking about the fact that cancer can kill and that being a survivor is a wonderful wonderful thing but it also brings heartache and other issues that are hard to talk about with people who have not been through it. And I'm not, absolutely not, going to stop talking about those things.