Wobbles

I've realised that I haven't written for a month which is bad. I apologise.

We've been dealing with being back at work and unusually hot weather for the UK in July. Now I know it's not hot in Aussie terms, but London is horrid when the temperatures reach over 30 degrees - no air con and high humidity and everything gets stinky. No one can sleep and everyone is grumpy.

Now add the the mix that I work for one of the world's top sandal manufacturers and you can get a picture of my world right now. It's very hard not to want to tell some of our customers to get a grip, that the world is not going to cave in because we don't have the shoes they want in stock and YES our delivery is one to two weeks because that's as fast as we can go right now. And actually I don't care that much, because really if that's their only issue in life, then life's not too bad. But of course I don't say anything. But just for the record, if you demand compensation because your sandals don't arrive in time for your holiday, you won't get any.

Despite various medications including HRT, menopause is hitting me like a train. Girls, it's like PMT but worse. Don't even think about not having drugs! I can cope with home and stuff but other things not so much. I'm not convinced that the HRT I'm dealing with is working for me so I've arranged to see the gynae that we saw about the fertility things as she offered to help. That's not until the end of the month so in the meantime I'm deep breathing and trying not to kill anyone.

Talking of which, it's been hard to keep things together as everytime we're out at any kind of function we get asked if we're planning a family. A note to people; DO NOT ask this of anyone, especially ones that you've only just met. Because it's a) rude b) people's own business and c) you might not get the answer you want. It bothered me when I was fertile and it sure as hell bothers me now. I can just about cope with my friends having babies and stuff (I'm a bit sensitive but can deal with it and am happy for them), but I will answer that no, we can't have children, and I will say why. If people are embarassed, well tough. Telling someone that you have just had cervical cancer may not be deemed proper in polite society, but nor is asking intrusive questions about one's sex life and other personal issues.

Anyway, I'm plowing through books about coping strategies and diet and stuff and I'm sure slowly I'll feel human again. I still have tummy issues so I can't eat some of the things they suggest which is slightly irritating.

On a positive note, I've had some cycling lessons - I think before that I only rode a bike once when I was about 15, but we didn't have a park that would allow bikes when I was growing up. Any way, I can now ride a bike, not on the roads yet, but still. I was very proud that I fell off and got back on again, Even if Matt did say that my leg looked like a piece of stilton due to the bruising. And am having more lessons which is good and we bought me a nice silver bike with a proper wicker basket on. So hopefully soon I'll be riding properly around Kingston! My aim is to do the London to Brighton next year, which will coincide with my, erhem, 40th birthday.

I finished my course with flying colours which has been great and I really enjoyed it. Not entirely sure where it will lead me, but its been great for my confidence.

So I do wonder sometimes when I'll start to feel vaguely human again. It's been a very wobbly time what with one thing or another, but I somehow manage to pick myself up and keep going. And sorry it this post sounds like a bit of a rant. I blame some of it on hormones, but a lot on the fact that some people are just a bit rude and insensitive at times, even if they don't mean it.

Love

Z xxx